FIRST Wild Card Tour: A Young Man's Guide to Making Right Choices

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!



You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Jim George

and the book:

A Young Man's Guide to Making Right Choices

Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)

***Special thanks to Karri James, Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jim George and his wife, Elizabeth George, are Christian authors and speakers. Jim, author of A Husband After God’s Own Heart (a Gold Medallion finalist) and The Bare Bones Bible Handbook, has MDiv and ThM degrees from Talbot Theological Seminary. He has served in various pastoral roles for 25 years and on The Master’s Seminary staff for ten years. Jim and Elizabeth have two married daughters and are grandparents.



Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Guiding a young man toward making right choices will equip him to think carefully about his decisions, assuring a more fulfilling and successful life. Help boys to gain the skills they need for facing all life’s challenges.

In this book, Jim George focuses on all the high points of a young man’s life—the things that matter most. Teen guys will learn…

- why prayer and Bible reading are so essential
- what makes for the best kinds of friendships
- how school and social skills contribute to a strong future
- how to stand strong against temptation and peer pressure
- what contributes to healthy and biblical perspectives on dating and purity

Young men will enjoy Jim’s balance of biblical insight, personal anecdotes, and candid forthrightness. And they’ll gain the skills they need for making right choices in response to all the challenges that come their way.

Product Details:
List Price: $10.99
Reading level: Young Adult
Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736930256
ISBN-13: 978-0736930253

MY THOUGHTS AND REVIEW:
Life is full of choices. From the moment you wake up....well, to be exact according to this book, it's before that. The author points out to young men that their first choice for each new day is: whether to get up when they're supposed to or not. Each choice has its consequences. It is very important to make right choices according to God's principles. This book aims to guide young men to do just that. It covers different  challenges that young men face such as communication, friends, girls/dating, temptation, learning, and how they should dress. It addresses the essential basics like reading the Bible, praying, and applying the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). Using "Jason," a typical teen, as a demonstration, the author shows what Jason has done wrong and what God's Word says about each topic, and explains how to make the tough but right choices. Each chapter also includes guy-to-guy questions, more in-depth Bible verses, and a summary of God's Guidelines for Making Right Choices. It's a wonderful, practical book for helping teen guys to live their lives for God and in a way that honors Him. My sons will be reading this book when it's time :).

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Making the Right Choices



Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.  —  Joshua 24:15

Jason, a typical teen guy, was suddenly jolted out of a deep sleep by the clamor of trash cans being rolled to the street curb. At first he was mad, wondering,     Just who do they think they are making all that racket so early in the morning? Don’t they know a busy guy needs his sleep? Then a second wave of adrenalin hit, this time with fear, as Jason rolled over and looked out his window. Oh, no!   That’s Dad doing my chores…again!   I’m really in for it this time!



What time was it anyway?   Jason thought as he looked at his alarm clock. Oh, no, I’m late  —  way late! Did I forget to set my alarm?   He had planned to get up early to finish his English paper, which was due today! Drat and double drat! There were a lot of things he had planned to do last night — finish his English essay, work ahead on his history paper, maybe catch up on his Bible-reading schedule for his church youth group, and finally get around to writing a thank-you note to his aunt for the birthday money she sent several months ago. (That was his mom’s Number One assignment for last night, and he had thought to himself,   No worries; it’s waited this long. Maybe tonight, right?   On and on…and on…Jason’s “Things I Meant to Do” list went.



But Jason had ended up getting a little sidetracked. And why not? The money his aunt gave him had been well spent…on a new DS game. Well, one challenge level led to another, and before long Jason had battled the “forces of evil” so long on his game (a full hour past the bedtime curfew his parents had sent) that his mom had forcefully interrupted and made him end his simulated life-and-death struggles and turn out his light.





Life Is Full of Choices



Jason had begun his evening with great intentions of making right choices. But something pulled him away from those good intentions. And in the end — actually, the next morning — he began to suffer a landslide of consequences due to those bad choices.



As the section title says above, life is full of choices. And the funny thing about choices is that sometimes the same exact choice might be bad for one guy but okay for another. Take, for example, the simple choice of breakfast food. Jason’s friend Marty is trying to make the basketball team. He’s a great shot, but he has a problem keeping his weight down, so he needs to be more disciplined about what he eats. Eating several bowls of a certain cereal each morning with lots of milk and sugar would be a huge caloric problem for Marty, but it wouldn’t be a problem for Jason because he’s as thin as a rail!



Do you realize your choices for each day begin at the end of the previous day, when you decide what time you need to get up and then set your alarm? And the next big choice is actually getting up when you hear the alarm clock…which then leads to getting dressed, doing your chores, eating breakfast, and getting to school on time. Your choices continue right on through your day and include doing your homework and being a good family member when you get home, until you set the alarm again at the end of the day.



Yes, life is full of choices. Someone said it well:



My life is not made by the dreams I dream but by the choices I make.1





Choices Through the Rearview Mirror



You’ve probably been to a camp or retreat or youth meeting where there was a “guys’ sharing time,” a time when those who were brave enough recounted some of the choices they made in their past. It’s as if they’re looking at their past in a rearview mirror. (If you drive, you know all about looking into the rearview mirror to see what’s going on behind you, and if you don’t drive, you will one day!) Now, the guys who shared were no longer living back in their past, but they could still see, remember, and taste the consequences of their choices — both the good and the bad. Their sharing may have included phrases like…



I wandered off the path…



I became like the prodigal son…



I fell away from the Lord…



I got sidetracked in sin…



I lost my first love…



I strayed from the truth…



I made some wrong decisions…



I went off the deep end…



I got in with the wrong crowd…



I’ve sat in on a few of these sharing sessions myself, and I couldn’t help but wonder, What happened? How does someone wander off the path, lose their first love for Jesus, stray from the truth, fall off the deep end, or get involved with the wrong crowd?



Well, we both know what happened, don’t we? Somehow, at some time, for some reason, a wrong choice was made. Maybe it was just a little lie. Just a little shading of what’s right. Just a little bending of a rule. Eventually, as this happens again and again, there comes a day when making wrong choices became all too easy. And it’s usually not until then that a guy realizes his life has become a mess.



Checking Out God’s Word



It’s one thing to read a book written by an author about a subject, but it’s quite another to read the Book — the Bible — written by the Author of all things, God Himself. In this book, I’ll share a lot of thoughts and tips with you. Most of them are things I’ve learned over the years. I’ll pass them on to you as a young man who’s in the process of making decisions that will shape your future. But the things you should definitely make sure you take to heart and pay the most attention to are the things God Himself tells you in His Word, His Book, the Bible.



When you get to this section in each chapter — entitled “Checking Out God’s Word” — you’ll find a number of Bible verses. I’ve included the text of the verses for you so you can read them without having to grab your Bible. I also invite you to mark up the verses and make notes. You don’t have to do that if you prefer not to. But don’t hesitate to circle certain words and underline things you want to remember. Put a question mark beside anything you wonder about or want to know more about. You can even draw in the margins. I’ve tried to leave enough space for you to write out your thoughts about what God is saying. Do whatever will help you understand the verses and make them your own. (And of course, it would be a good idea at some time to look up the verses in your Bible.) Here we go, from God’s Word to you.



The Israelites made a choice — Joshua, the leader of God’s people, asked them to do exactly what we’ve been talking about — to make a choice. Listen in as Joshua speaks to the people about choosing between serving God and serving false gods. According to the verses below, what choice did Joshua give to the people? And praise God, if you read further in the book of Joshua you will discover that the people made the right choice, choosing to serve God.



Fear the Lord and serve Him with all faithfulness…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:14-15).

Lot made a choice — Lot was the nephew of Abraham. Because of the large number of cattle the two men possessed, Abraham asked Lot to choose between two parts of the land. One part was green and with plenty of water — perfect for grazing cattle. The other part was dry hill country and not so perfect. In fact, it was a desert. According to the verses that follow, what was Lot’s choice?



Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered…So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east (Genesis 13:10-11).



Sadly, Lot did not choose wisely. He chose the grassy green pastures — which just happened to be near the two most wicked cities of his day, Sodom and Gomorrah. His choice was based on what looked good. Unfortunately, the consequences of that choice were devastating for Lot and his family.

Joseph made a choice — Joseph was a teenager when his jealous brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt. There, in a strange land, Joseph was all alone without family. In time, his master’s wife flirted with him and wanted him to sin with her. After all, nobody was around, she explained. Who would ever know?



How should Joseph respond? Note his choice and the reason for his choice.



He refused…[and] told her…“How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:8-9).



Joseph chose to live his life God’s way. He honored God. God then honored Joseph’s choice and made him a leader of the land of Egypt and the savior of his family.



Daniel made a choice — Can you imagine being taken prisoner and forcefully moved to a foreign land as a teenager? And once you got there, you were told to turn away from your religious beliefs and to follow instead the ways of those who lived in the pagan land? Well, that’s what happened to Daniel. In the place where he was taken, Daniel was told to eat foods that were forbidden by his Jewish background. What pressure! What did he do?



Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way (Daniel 1:8).



Daniel chose to live life God’s way — not only on this one occasion, but also numerous times during his many years in this foreign land. At every step and every day, God blessed Daniel and promoted him to high positions of leadership.



Things to Remember About Choices



 — Attractive choices sometimes lead to sin.



 — Good choices have positive long-term results.



 — Right choices are sometimes difficult.





Making the Tough Choices





I’m sure you already know your actions are a matter of choice. Sure, some choices are made for you. They are out of your control, and are made by those who are responsible for you…like your parents, your teachers, your coaches, and your youth leaders. But many choices each day — and almost each minute of the day — are yours to make. Do you yet realize that these choices are a matter of your will? You get to decide what you will or won’t do, how you will or won’t act. You make the choices, which means you can’t blame anyone else for what happens next.



As you prepare to make the tough choices, the choices that must be made, can you think of one tough choice you need to make right now? What’s holding you back? Peer pressure? Fear? Pride?



Pray young Solomon’s prayer right now. He asked God, “Give me wisdom and knowledge” and “Give your servant a discerning heart…to distinguish between right and wrong” (2 Chronicles 1:10 and 1 Kings 3:9). Then make that choice — the one that’s keeping you from living your life God’s way. Make the right choice, however tough it is to do so.





Things to Do Today to Make Right Choices





Read again the section “Choices Through the Rearview Mirror.” Do any of the comments mentioned in the guys’ sharing time fit your life today? If so, talk it over with God. Admit to God any wrong choices you’ve made. Then ask Him for the wisdom to make the right choices starting right now.



Read again Joshua 24:14-15 (see “Checking Out God’s Word”). As you look at your life today, do you think you are making the kind of choice Joshua and the people made, the choice to serve God and God alone? Why or why not? What first right choice will you make to begin choosing to serve God, to live for Him? Is there something you should be doing, but aren’t? Something you know God wants you to do, but you’re not? Be honest. The king and warrior David was brutally honest with God. He asked God to…

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24).



As you have already read, choices are a matter of your will. You get to decide what you will or won’t do, how you will or won’t act. Think of two or three things you can do daily that will better prepare you to make right choices. Then, of course, begin doing them.

Guy to Guy





Jot down three things Jason failed to do that started his day down the road to chaos.





What could you tell Jason to do differently tomorrow?





Of all the verses shared in this chapter, which one meant the most to you, and why?





In what ways are you like Jason, and what new choices do you need to start making?



Would You Like to Know More?



Check It Out





Read Proverbs 1:10-19. What warning is given to the young man in verse 10?





What is the advice given to this teen guy in verse 15?





What is the end result for those who make the choice to participate in evil deeds (verse 19)?





It’s your turn to read about Lot’s choice. Read Genesis 13:5-11. How is the situation described that made a decision necessary (verses 5-7)?





What did Abraham propose as a solution (verses 8-9)?





What choice did Lot make, and why (verses 10-11)?





Now quickly scan Genesis 19:12-29. What were some of the results of Lot’s choice?





What choice was made by two brothers in Matthew 4:18-20?





What choice was made in Matthew 9:9?





Have you made this choice, or do you need to? Be sure to think about it.





God’s Guidelines for Making Right Choices





Treat each day as being important. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12).

Admit your need for wisdom…and ask for it!    “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5)

Work at developing a deep respect for God.    “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10).

Make sure you have a vital relationship with Jesus.    “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better” (Ephesians 1:17).

Be willing to pay any price for the truth. “Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding” (Proverbs 23:23).





God’s Guidelines for

Making Right Choices



Treat each day as being important. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12).



Admit your need for wisdom…and ask for it!    “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5)



Work at developing a deep respect for God.    “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10).



Make sure you have a vital relationship with Jesus.    “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better” (Ephesians 1:17).



Be willing to pay any price for the truth. “Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding” (Proverbs 23:23).

FIRST Wild Card Tour: When a Woman Inspires Her Husband

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!



You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Cindi McMenamin

and the book:

When a Woman Inspires Her Husband: Understanding and Affirming the Man in Your Life

Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)

***Special thanks to Karri James, Marketing Assistant, Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Cindi McMenamin, an award-winning writer and national speaker, is the author of When Women Walk Alone (more than 100,000 copies sold) and Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs. As a pastor’s wife, director of women’s ministries, and Bible teacher, her passion is to bring women into deeper intimacy with God. Cindi lives in Southern California with her husband, Hugh, and daughter, Dana.



Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

This book is about how a woman can be the encourager, motivator, and inspiration behind her man becoming all God designed him to be—by understanding his world, appreciating his differences, and encouraging him to dream.




Product Details:
List Price: $11.99
Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736929487
ISBN-13: 978-073692948

MY THOUGHTS AND REVIEW:
Have you ever wished your husband would be more understanding...more like you? Well, this book will help you appreciate your husband the way he is and celebrate your husband's differences. Marriage is not about getting our needs met but about dying to self and practicing what it really means to truly love like God does. The author took surveys of various married men and concluded that the three common needs/wants men deem important are: the need to feel respected, the need to feel successful, and the need/want to feel like a king (but not a god). The author offers practical suggestions on how you can understand your husband's world, become his cheerleader, ease his burdens, encourage him to dream, make his home a sanctuary, and more. Each chapter includes contributions from men's perspectives, questions you can ask your husband in order to know and serve him better, and prayers for you and your husband. It's a great book that helps wives become their husband's biggest fan/encourager!



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Understanding His World



Hugh walked into the store past the men in suits who were waiting to show him the latest cell phone. “I just want something that I can make calls on,” he mumbled to himself under his breath. “No Internet. No texting, no music. Just give me a darn phone.”



Then his eye caught a rock-like flip phone that he practically had to pry open. “Feel how heavy this is,” he said as he picked it up and admired it.



I found myself thinking, Wouldn’t a light phone be better, especially if it’s in your pocket? Hugh continued his admiration of the heavy, durable “man-looking” phone.



Just then a man, soiled from head to toe, came into the store in a rush and out of breath.



“Dude, that is an awesome phone,” he told Hugh as he saw him holding the model this guy apparently owned.



“I just dropped mine from a height of thirty feet on a construction site and it landed in a puddle of water. The face cracked a little, but it’s still working!”



That was all it took to sell my husband that phone.



“I’ll take this one,” Hugh said to one of the suited up men he originally didn’t want to address.



I looked at Hugh, wondering what planet he came from. Not only did my husband want a phone that felt like a rock or a heavy tool, and that he had to pry open, but I’m sure he also wanted to go out and drop it 30 feet into a puddle of water just to see how durable it was as well!



“It’s a man thing, Mom,” my teenage daughter said as she observed the expression on my face.



And she was right.



Men are not from Mars. But they do act and think differently than women. Certain things make your husband tick that you will never understand. I’m not going to elaborate on the differences between men and women. There are hundreds of books already written on that topic. And you are aware of the differences between your husband and yourself more than anyone else. This book, rather, is about understanding your husband’s world. And you start doing that by understanding, accepting, and embracing the fact that your husband’s world is different from your own simply because he’s a man.



I want a light, pretty cell phone, preferably pink and sparkly. My husband wants one with visible screws holding it together and a manly name like The Boulder.



I want it attractive; he wants it functional. I want the prettiest color; he wants the best price. I want to talk it through and really make sure it’s the one I want; he wants to buy it and get out of the store.



And that’s only the picking-out-a-cell-phone part of our day! Add to that our differences on how we like to spend our evenings, what kinds of movies we prefer, and what our idea of an adventurous weekend would be like, and I’ll have enough evidence to present the case to my girlfriends that my husband is indeed from a different world than I am.



What Husbands Can Teach Us



My, how we’d like our husbands a lot more if they were more like women. We don’t really believe that, and we don’t actually want that, but it’s the way we think at times. We want a man who is tender, yet we also expect him to be tough. We want sensitivity, but we also expect strength. We want understanding from him, yet a practical side to balance out our emotions. We want a man who is both male and female at heart. Yet most men don’t come that way. And they aren’t made to become that way.



Yet admit it. You, too, have found yourself thinking…



If only he’d be more sensitive.



If only he’d be more interested in what I’m interested in.



If only he wouldn’t make such a mess.



If only he’d just listen to me!



If only he weren’t so loud!



If only he’d be more romantic.



If, if, if. What we’re really saying is, “If only he were more like…well, me!    ”



My friend, Edie, is a licensed marriage and family therapist. In her first couple years of counseling she saw more than her share of women who were unhappy with their husbands.



“So many women want their husbands to be more like women—to shop with them and go to a chick flick with them,” Edie said. But one of the ways a woman can most powerfully influence her husband is to accept that he’s a different person than she is and those differences are intended for her growth.



Our husbands’ differences are intended for our growth?



Exactly.



By coming up against an attitude, behavior, or personality trait we don’t like, we are forced to confront our own ability to be loving, patient, understanding, and forgiving. It’s our opportunity to practice Philippians 2:3-4:



Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.



Therefore marriage—that arena in which we are bound to another who is so different from ourselves—is our opportunity to grow. Marriage shows us how selfish we can be, how much more godly we can be when it comes to loving our husbands, and how very much we still struggle with wounds we are expecting our husbands to heal.



I’ve heard some call marriage a “divine conspiracy”—that God uses the marital union to transform our lives. I believe it, too. I’ve seen, in my own marriage, God’s plan to change both me and Hugh by showing us ways in which we know a little of God’s love for one another. And God shows it to me the most when I see ways in which my husband is unlike myself.



But God definitely knew what He was doing when He designed men and women differently.



As a wedding gift to her daughter, Valerie, and son-in law, Walt, author Elisabeth Elliot placed her book Let Me Be a Woman into her daughter’s hands on her wedding day.



The book, subtitled Notes on Womanhood for Valerie, provided instruction on femininity in a marriage—and was written in the mid-1970s as feminism was in full swing. In the early 1980s, when I was 16 years old, my older sister placed that book in my hands and said, “Cindi, you need to read this. It will change your perspective on what it means to be a woman and a wife.” My goal at that time was to graduate from college and be an independent career woman in need of no man. I had no desire to marry. I thought a man would simply get in the way of my plans for my life.



Then I read Elisabeth Elliot’s book, and it changed my life. Life wasn’t about me. It was about serving God. And if He should call me to be a wife, it was about serving my husband too.



It still took quite a few years of marriage for me to realize that life and marriage weren’t all about me. They weren’t about getting my needs met or finding my personal fulfillment. Rather, they were about dying to self, giving up my preferences for another, learning what it means to truly love. And doing those things, in return, became personally fulfilling as I was obeying God’s commands to love.



And yet at times I complain, like many wives, that my husband isn’t more like me.



As Elisabeth Elliot wrote to her newlywed daughter:



You marry a sinner. There’s nobody else to marry. That ought to be obvious enough but when you love a man as you love yours it’s easy to forget. You forget it for a while and then when something happens that ought to remind you, you find yourself wondering what’s the matter, how could this happen, where did things go wrong? They went wrong back in the Garden of Eden. Settle it once for all, your husband is a son of Adam. Acceptance of him—of all of him—includes acceptance of his being a sinner. He is a fallen creature, in need of the same kind of redemption as the rest of us are in need of, and liable to all the temptations which are “common to man.” 



There are so many times I forget that my husband is a sinner. Let me rephrase that: There are so many times I forget that I, too, am a sinner. When my husband does something that is inherently male—or just plain human—I sometimes see it as imperfection, as rude, or as unspiritual. It could be all of those things. But it could also be normal.



Elliot goes on to say,



You marry not only a sinner but a man. You marry a man, not a woman. Strange how easy it seems to be for some women to expect their husbands to be women, to act like women, to do what is expected of women. Instead of that they are men, they act like men, they do what is expected of men and thus they do the unexpected. They surprise their wives by being men and some wives wake up to the awful truth that it was not, in fact, a man that they wanted after all.



Through this book you now have in your hands, I want you to be very glad that you married a man…and your man, at that. I want you to begin to celebrate the ways he is different than you and affirm him in areas he never imagined you would. I want you to discover a whole new way of living with your man and loving it.



And if your husband is an unbeliever, or he’s just not where you’d like him to be spiritually, I encourage you to stick with me. As you begin to understand his world, become his cheerleader, ease his burdens, make his home a sanctuary, give him breathing room, encourage him to dream, entice him to pursue, and let him lead, you will be allowing him to see how loved he is in your eyes and in God’s. (I will specifically address a man’s spiritual life—or lack of it—in chapter 9.)



I called this chapter “Understanding His World” because there is much to understand and appreciate about it. Yet there’s always the woman who says, “But we’re in the same world. His world is mine, and mine is his.” Yes, to a certain extent. But in a very real way, he is still in a different world than you are. And he always will be. How? He’s a man. And therefore, his world—generally speaking—is a bit messier, and he’s fine with that. It’s louder, and he doesn’t notice (women have more sensitive hearing than men). Some parts of his world smell badly and he doesn’t seem to notice or care (you have a more keen sense of smell than he does, too, by the way). In his world there are only a few colors (and many more men than women are color blind), but in your world there are ten different shades of red, a myriad of blues, and even lots of different greens. (That’s probably why he tends to have only a few pairs of shoes in the closet—a pair of sneakers, a pair of work boots, one set of black dress shoes, and one set of brown casual shoes. You, on the other hand, are likely to have shoes in every color of the spectrum—and that doesn’t even cover the sneakers!)



Although studies now show that men and women both speak about 16,000 words per day (debunking the long-lived myth that women outtalk men nearly 2:1), it is also a fact that men and women experience the same level of emotion. What’s different is that women tend to be more expressive about their emotions than men.



We as women are all about relationships. When you meet another woman and want to get to know her, you will probably ask if she’s married, if she has children, and what her children’s ages and interests are. By contrast, when your husband shakes hands with another man, he is more inclined to ask what the other man does. In a woman’s perfect world, she is loved, cherished, and romanced. In a man’s perfect world, he is respected. A woman’s desires revolve around how she feels. A man’s desires revolve around responses to what he does and who he is in the eyes of those around him.



Take a look at this chart for just an overview of how the two of you, generally speaking, differ when it comes to communication, just because you are a woman and he is a man. These findings, by the way, posted on the Internet by Speechmastery, included the following disclaimer: “The list below is general and based on research. Even so, each individual may have qualities that are of their opposite. Some men will put the lid down, ask for directions and read the instructions.”



Women





Seek out relationships with others



Relate to others as equals



Prefer interdependency, collaboration, coordination and cooperation



Make decisions based on mutual agreement



Desire closeness, togetherness and affinity



Care for the approval of peers



Express themselves more in private



Are more open to share problems



Tend to focus on details of

emotions



More concerned with feelings



May mix personal and business talk



Tend to ask for help, advice and directions



Offer sympathy



Display empathy



Desire to understand problems



Tend to take a more sober look

at challenges





Men



Tend to seek standing and

position



Relate to others as rivals



Tend toward independence

and autonomy



Choose or resolve by force,

persuasion or majority rule



Desire space



Tend to seek the respect of their peers



Express themselves more in public



Keep concerns to themselves



Tend to focus on the details

of fact



Often will not ask for advice, help or directions



Freely offer advice and analysis



Are problem solvers



Tend to look at challenges as a game unless lives are at stake





You may find it helpful to know some of these basic male-female differences when it comes to understanding your man—or at least the components about him that you shouldn’t take personally because they are part of his construction, not his attitude!



Incidentally, as I’ve been writing this book, my husband has enjoyed, on occasion, pointing out to me some of the male tendencies he has that I bristle at, and saying, “That was a man thing. Write that in your book!”



His Perfect World



As you begin to understand that your husband’s world is a bit different than yours, the question to ask him is, “What would make your world a perfect place?”



This is how my husband answered that question: “A perfect world for me would be working at a job I completely enjoy, having time for rest and relaxation, and knowing that the people closest to me respect, me, honor me, and love me.”



There it is—he wants to live from his heart and enjoy what he does, have time to play, and know he is respected and loved for who he is.



But to understand your husband’s world isn’t just to understand the differences between a man and a woman. (And I know some of you are married to husbands that aren’t anything like what we’ve read about men thus far.) While men share some general traits, every one of them is different. The key is for you to understand your husband’s world—what makes him tick, what sets him at ease, what he prefers, where he is most “at home,” what he avoids, where he shines, and most of all, what makes his heart beat. There will be times when you need to stay out of his world, and times when he invites you to enter it. But don’t try to change it. Appreciate it, and your husband will appreciate you even more.



According to the surveys I took of married men of various ages and in various stages of life, I concluded (with my husband’s nod of approval, of course) that in every man’s world (and most likely your husband’s world too):



He needs to feel respected as a man

He needs to feel successful in all he does

He wants to feel like a king, but not be your god

The upcoming chapters in this book will, in many ways, elaborate on these three essentials that are so important to the heart of your man. For now, let’s just look at the basics of each one.

He Needs to Feel Respected as a Man



Countless studies have affirmed that a man would rather feel respected than loved. We women long to be cherished and loved and pursued, but there’s a sense in which a man can live without love. It’s respect he can’t live without.



It’s interesting to note that in the Bible, husbands are commanded to love their wives. And wives are commanded to respect their husbands.



That passage of Scripture starts off by telling wives to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord. We would like to think that husbands are commanded first to love us and, as they love us as their own bodies, we will gladly submit. But if we look carefully, we see that in this case, the Bible breaks its usual pattern of laying the responsibility on the husband first. The wives are first commanded to submit to (come under the leadership of) their husbands. And then the husbands are commanded to love. This doesn’t imply we must earn that love through our obedience. But I believe our obedience and willingness to come under the leadership of our husbands makes it easier for them to obey the tall order God has given them: to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.



Here’s the passage:



Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.



Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself…each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:22-25,28,33).



Have you ever thought about why a woman isn’t commanded to love her husband in return? We are commanded throughout the Bible to love one another, and that includes our husbands. But when it comes to this passage, which speaks specifically about the marriage relationship, God apparently knew a woman desires more than anything else to be loved, and a man desires more than anything else to be respected. God must have known that as we respect our husbands, we are demonstrating love to them in a way they can more easily see and appreciate.



God’s perfect design is that as a husband is being respected, he will readily love his wife. And as a wife is being loved, she will readily respect her husband. In a perfect world—which we, unfortunately, don’t live in—that would be the case. In our world—which is marred by selfishness and sin, which come more naturally to us than sacrificial love—one of you, you or your husband, must make the first move. Yes, in the second reference of this passage (verse 33), the command is given to your husband first. But the bottom line is that we both (husbands and wives) are given the command 12 verses earlier in Ephesians 5:21 to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Before any instruction is given to the wife or husband in that chapter, we see the words “submit to one another.” And why? Out of reverence for Christ. Show your reverence to the One who gave His all for you by giving your all—your love, your respect, your honor—to your husband. And when you do, see if his love doesn’t truly follow!

He Needs to Feel Successful in All He Does



For a man, being productive or successful at something is important. And if your husband isn’t, in reality, succeeding at something, he at least needs to feel like he’s winning. I noticed for a few years after we got married that Hugh would join a game of football without any persuasion. As an all-league wide receiver in high school (having the most yards per reception in the league during his senior year) and one who received letters of interest from several colleges to play ball for them, football was his game. But on one occasion, when my cousins and brother-in-law wanted to play an impromptu game of basketball, it took some persuasion to get Hugh on the court.



“You don’t like basketball?” I asked him. He’s six feet tall. He’s athletic. I couldn’t figure it out.



“I’m not very good at basketball,” was Hugh’s response.



It wasn’t that he didn’t like the sport. He was simply not eager to do something he didn’t feel he could excel at. Some would call that male ego. Others might call it pride. I saw it as a man thing. A man would rather not enter an arena in which he doesn’t feel he can excel. We can learn much from that. A man will gravitate toward the areas of life in which he feels successful. If he is a master at his work, he will spend much time there. If he knows the computer well and can feel successful there, it will occupy much of his time. If he is a whiz with a wrench under the hood of a car, that’s where he’ll want to be. If gaining knowledge through reading makes him the one who can repeat the facts about any topic of discussion at a party and make him feel more socially comfortable, then he’ll keep reading.



Men want to succeed. So what can we, as wives, do with that information? Let your husband know he is succeeding in the areas that are most important to him and you. And if what is important to you isn’t necessarily important to him, let him know every now and then that he is succeeding in that area, and it just may become an important area to him after all.



Many a man will give up altogether and go passive when it comes to parenting if you are insisting your parental skills are better. Many a man will stop communicating if you have let him know he is a failure at communication. On the other hand, if you are praising his efforts—even if at this point they are just efforts—he will want to continue to please you. Treat him like a winner at home, and he’ll want to be there more often. Praise him for his handiwork around the house, and you’ll find him offering to be your handyman. Encourage him and tell him how good he makes you feel in the bedroom, and he’ll be more likely to initiate. Encouragement goes a long way…and making your husband feel like a winner will make him want to be around you—especially if you’re his No. 1 fan. (We’ll look more at this concept in chapter 2.)

He Wants to Feel Like a King, but Not Be Your God



There’s a difference between treating your husband with the respect and loyalty you would give a king, and depending on him like he’s God.



Many women marry with high expectations, only to be gravely disappointed shortly thereafter when they discover their husband can’t possibly meet all of their emotional needs.



Edie, my counselor-friend, sees this a lot in her practice:



“There’s a lot of anger on the part of women toward their husbands,” she said. “We get focused on our spouse as the one who needs to take care of our needs, and the media adds to that by romanticizing relationships, and we end up projecting our anger onto our husbands for not being the way we expect them to be.”



Because your husband is human, he can’t possibly meet all your needs. Because he’s a man, there are certain ways he will never be able to meet your needs for sensitivity and understanding like another woman. Because he’s not your dad, he can’t make up for what you might feel was lacking in that relationship. And most importantly, because he’s not God, he can’t possibly fulfill you in every way.



The quickest way to run your marriage into the ground is to expect your husband to be God in your life—to fill your every need, to know what you’re thinking and feeling and be able to respond accordingly, to be your joy, to be your all-in-all. He is a man. He is not able to be all of that for you. He is human, and that means he has weaknesses and will let you down at times. Finally, he is a sinner (as all of us are), and that means he will disappoint you, anger you, and even hurt you more times than he or you would like. So don’t look to your husband to be God in your life, or to fulfill your every need. Instead, look to God as your spiritual husband.



In Isaiah 54:5-6 we read God’s words to His covenant people of Israel: “Your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit.”



God’s Word frequently uses the marriage relationship to illustrate God as our husband. God desires to be a husband to us and have us respond, in return, as we would respond to a husband—to forsake all other gods and love only Him, to respect Him, to dwell intimately with Him, to look to Him for our provision, and so on. There is nothing that will free up your husband to love you more than taking your emotional expectations off of him and leaving them with God. Your husband can then love you in the best way he is able, without feeling he has an impossible task in front of him. (For an in-depth look at this subject, see my book Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs.)



It’s pretty simple isn’t it? Your husband needs to feel respected. He wants to feel successful. He wants to be treated like a king, but not be your God. His world is simple. Ours is the one that is so often complicated.



From His Perspective



“We’re really simple, men are.”



Recently, Bill gave his wife Edie—my friend who is the licensed marriage and family therapist—some wise insights into the heart and world of a man.



“We’re really simple, men are,” he told her.



“I like having a car. I like having sex with my wife. I like good food.”



Bill spoke volumes to his wife—and to us about men, in general—with those three sentences.



He likes having a car. He wants to be the driver. He likes the feel of being in control of a piece of machinery that can get him from one place to another. For some men, the nicer or more powerful the car, the better. But ultimately, he just likes having a car.



He enjoys sexual pleasure with his wife. Men are designed, physically and physiologically, to enjoy sexual pleasure with their wives. Your husband wants to enjoy that activity and experience with you. And you are the only one he can enjoy that with and know that he is right and pure before his God. And he knows that, even more than you do. (More on this in chapter 7.)

In Ecclesiastes 9:9, Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said this: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given to you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”



King Solomon wrote a whole book on the meaninglessness of life. And among the few things he found meaningful for a man to enjoy were a good meal and pleasure with his wife. Now think about that! When you prepare a meal for your husband, isn’t it your desire that he enjoy it? Similarly, will you prepare yourself for him, physically, as his reward after dinner? God paid you quite a compliment when He gave you to your husband as your husband’s reward. God considered you a great prize to bring pleasure—in many ways—to your husband. That makes me want to truly be my husband’s reward, not his consolation prize.



He loves good food. And get this…enjoying food, too, is biblical! In Ecclesiastes 2:24, the wise King Solomon says, “There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.” For a man to be able to sit down and enjoy dinner—or a hearty, messy barbecue lunch!—is one of the ways God rewards him for his work here on earth. So let him eat. It’s one of the simple pleasures in life he was designed to enjoy.

What About Your Man?



How well do you understand your husband’s world? His preferences? His likes and dislikes? The more you understand them, the more you will be able to serve him in his world and make him want to be in no other world than the one you have entered to share with him.



It’s easy for a wife to resent the ways her husband is different from her. But I encourage you, dear friend, to celebrate those differences.



Michelle learned to do just that. Her eyes light up when she talks about Leroy, her husband of 17 years. But, she told me, it wasn’t always that way.



“My husband and I met while very young. We were not walking with the Lord in our youth. In our twenties we headed back to church and got married. It is amazing the grace God has shown on both of us. We haven’t had the perfect marriage, but God has brought His wisdom and guidance at crucial times. I have learned my husband’s love language, that he doesn’t really think about anything at times, that we have different temperaments, and to be his cheerleader. In applying this wisdom to my marriage, I have learned to appreciate my husband. For example, my husband loves to be outside. He is not a homebody. That means we are never home. I have learned to love this about him because I am always experiencing a new adventure. We hike, bike, rollerblade, kayak, travel, eat at different restaurants, and basically sightsee every weekend.



“Now some of you may be wishing this was your husband, but there is a downside to all this. Things do not always get fixed or cleaned at my house. So I think as women we have to learn to accept our husband for who he is. That does not mean you should never address any problems. On the other hand, if you are constantly nagging, you need to think and pray. God may need to change your perspective. During a funeral I attended for a young mother in our Moms group, I was reminded of how short our time can be. Live life with the man you love, not the man you think he should be. Life is too short to be unhappy over silly issues. I learned to be happy with the godly man God gave me. My car may not be clean, but I am out enjoying the adventure along the way.”



As Robert Jeffress says in his book Say Goodbye to Regret, “God gave us a mate to complement us, not to duplicate us (see Genesis 2:22). Don’t try to become like your [husband] and don’t expect [him] to morph into a clone of you. It won’t happen. And it shouldn’t happen.”



Rather, celebrate his differences. They make him a man; they make him who he is. Keep in mind as well that women tend to outlive men, so there’s a good possibility you will one day bury your husband. When you do, all those differences about him will become precious. And you will wish you could have them back again. After your husband is gone, the things that annoy you now—the way he shouts over a football game on the television, or he throws his clothes in a pile in the bedroom (even though you’ve asked him a billion times to please put them in the dirty clothes hamper)—you will someday look back on and think, If only I had him around again. I’d be far more patient about all those little things that really weren’t such a big deal after all.



Live without regrets by living well now. Look for those things about him that are different from you and smile. That’s what makes him a man. And you are the one he has invited into his male world to share it with him. Love him for letting you in. Live there with appreciation. And know you are more cherished there than you realize.

Entering His Masculine Mind



How well do you know what makes your husband tick?



At an appropriate time (usually after he is well fed or done with dinner at one of his favorite restaurants) ask him the following questions, and listen thoughtfully as he answers. You may discover some precious things about him that you didn’t know before.



Ask your husband how he relates to the “big three”: “I like having a car. I like having sex with my wife. I like food.”

Now ask your husband what he feels about the essential three:

He needs to be respected as a man.

He needs to feel successful in what he does.

He needs to be treated like a king, but not be your god.

Ask him if anything comes to mind with regard to how you can better help him in those three areas.



In light of what you have just learned about your husband, write a sentence or two about what you will now do differently in your interactions with him.







A Prayer for You and Your Husband



Lord, Help Me Enter His World…Lovingly



God, You have designed my husband as a unique person and I praise You for that. Help me to see his differences as something to celebrate—that he is uniquely made the way he is to complement and balance who I am. Show me how I can grow and become more loving, more patient, more understanding, and also to be more like You, God, through the differences I notice between him and myself. Help me to walk in his world carefully and responsibly, not trying to change him into someone who is more like me, but appreciating Your handiwork in who he is. Give me the eyes to see unique and wonderful things about my husband that I haven’t noticed before, and give me a heart to love him in ways I hadn’t thought about. Grant me words, Lord, to express to him, at just the right time, what he means to me. May I learn what it means to love him out of a love and reverence for You, O God.



And as I begin this journey of seeking to understand and affirm my husband in a greater way, give me a steadfast spirit and an enduring heart to see this through, to complete this book faithfully, not giving up if it seems like there’s too much to wade through or he’s not noticing my efforts. Help me to face each day, each truth, each chapter as a new opportunity to bless his life in ways that I haven’t been aware of before. And may You be pleased to draw our hearts closer together along the way.

Book Review: Flight Plan:Your Mission to Become a Man

SUMMARY:
Every flight begins with a destination.
In today’s culture, teenage boys are faced with navigating the turbulent journey to manhood, often without an inkling of what that really means or any direction of how to get there. What does it mean to be a man? Flight Plan: Your Mission to Become a Man, written by educators Lee Burns and Braxton Brady, offers a vision of godly manhood and a complete and honest guide into the adventures ahead.

Flight Plan uses the metaphor of a journey of flight to speak candidly to pre-teen and teen boys about friendships, peer pressure, drinking, drugs, girls and dating, puberty, sex, and school and family relationships.

Flying is an adventure. But like any journey, a good flight needs a great plan. Vision to see beyond the horizon. Preparation for the unexpected. A commitment to get from here to there. Every journey needs a plan. And becoming a man is no exception. The journey from boyhood to manhood is a big adventure filled with big choices. Some choices move us in the right direction, while others can throw us off course. So how can young men navigate to a successful life?

Like any sound flight plan, the book maps out the journey ahead giving practical advice for success and warnings for potential pitfalls any boy on his way to manhood is likely to encounter. Flight Plan shares how boys can:
· Make smart choices today that will impact their future
· Become responsible and accountable
· Handle changes in both their body and their relationships
· Understand the risks of drugs and alcohol
· Develop a God-centered life

The text strategically builds on seven biblically based virtues and each chapter concludes with questions for reflection and discussion, making Flight Plan an ideal teaching tool for boys’ small groups, mentoring groups, Sunday school classes, fathers and sons, or simply individual study.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Lee Burns is the headmaster at Presbyterian Day School, an independent school serving over 630 boys in grades PK-6 in Memphis. In addition, Burns is vice-president and on the executive committee of the Elementary School Headmasters Association (a group of approximately 200 headmasters around the country) and is a member of the Country Day School Headmasters Association and the Visionary Heads Group. He served as a task force member to help the National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS) develop Principles of Good Practice for Middle School Educators. In addition, he has been a presenter at annual conferences of the National Association of Independent Schools, the International Boys' School Coalition, and the Elementary School Headmasters Association.

Burns plays tennis and enjoys squash and most any sport, as well as reading and writing. Lee is married to Sarah, and they have three children. They are members of Second Presbyterian Church, where he serves as a deacon.

Braxton Brady is the chaplain of Presbyterian Day School (PDS) in Memphis, TN. Before coming to PDS, he worked as Bible teacher, athletic director, and assistant principal at Central Day School in Collierville, Tennessee. Brady has served on the boards of various inner city ministries in Memphis. He is a graduate of the Emerging Leaders Program, a program that helps disciple and develop spiritual leaders in the city of Memphis, and founder of Strategic Dads, a ministry that seeks to provide fathers with practical ways to disciple their sons and lead their families.

Brady enjoys spending time with his family, serving in the inner city, and playing golf. He is currently completing his master's degree in theological studies from Covenant Theological Seminary. Brady and his wife, Carrie, have three children.

MY THOUGHTS AND REVIEW:
I'm not a man but I love this book :)! It's a comprehensive resource to guide boys on their mission. Manhood is the mission; Godly manhood is the desired destination. This book is the flight plan. The authors expose the 6 myths (lies) of manhood while providing a great definition of manhood: "A real man glorifies God by seeking an adventuresome life of purpose and passion as he protects and serves others." To help boys navigate their upcoming challenging years, the authors give them seven virtues of manhood to embrace as their vision. This book covers pretty much every issue teenage boys face...from body changes, peer pressure, temptations with drugs and alcohol, school boredom, family tensions, to dating, pornography, and more. I only wish the authors would have included courtship as a healthier, safer alternative to dating. I also found it ironic that the authors point out in the beginning of the book that basing our view of manhood by what celebrities (many are negative examples) do or don't leads us to an inaccurate picture of manhood, yet several quotes from celebrities (eg. John Lennon, Michael Jordan, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp, etc.) can be found throughout the book. I'd prefer quotes from Godly men, instead. Nevertheless, the authors' advice and instruction are Biblically sound and practical. My husband plans to go through this book with our 12 yo son soon. This book is a must-read for every teenaged boy!

Visit the book's website.

Note: Please turn off my music playlist at the bottom of this page before starting the video.

Product Details:
List Price: $14.99
Perfect Paperback: 196 pages
Publisher: PDS Publishing (2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0615380611
ISBN-13: 978-0615380612

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Buckle Up


“Roger, liftoff, and the clock is started.”

- Alan B. Shepard Jr., Astronaut


“It was my fear that made me learn everything I could about my airplane and my emergency equipment, and kept me flying respectful of my machine and always alert in the cockpit.”

- Chuck Yeager, General


The engines roar so loudly you can feel your whole body shake as the fighter jet accelerates down the short runway on the aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You can smell the burning fuel. Standing on the deck of the carrier, you can’t even see the fighter pilot inside because his plane is racing by at such an incredible speed. You can, though, sense the power of the great plane and the intensity of the takeoff. Just seconds before, the jet was calmly stationed at the end of the carrier, along with a few other ones. But now, just seconds later, amidst burning fuel and an awesome display of speed, it’s at the end of the runway and quickly airborne, racing up into the blue sky.


But where is the plane going?


Like the fighter jet, you are also about to accelerate down a short runway and take off on a great adventure with many possible missions and destinations. During your childhood, your life has probably been pretty steady and stable for the last few years. Sure, there have been ups and downs and you’ve changed and grown as a boy, but boyhood is usually marked by very slow and gradual development compared to the upcoming season in your life. But soon, instead of just hanging out at the end of the runway with the other fighter jets, instead of slowly taxiing back and forth on the runway, your life is about to accelerate in a very intense and rapid period called adolescence. And at the end of adolescence, you will take off into the sky for an even greater adventure: manhood.


Any fighter pilot will probably tell you that good preparation before the flight is essential to a successful mission. He has spent thousands of hours learning to fly. He has considered problems he could encounter and maneuvers he could use in those dangerous situations. He has tested and serviced the plane. He has filled it up with fuel. He has studied the specific flight plan, considered the weather, and learned the goal and details of the mission. The takeoff is but a few seconds; the mission is but a few hours; but the preparation is years in the making.


You are a man in the making. Before you race down that runway and head up into the sky, it’s important and wise to make sure you are well prepared and equipped for the flight. You’d better make sure you know how to fly the plane and that it has fuel in it. You’d better know what you’re going to do when you come under enemy attack. And, most importantly, you’d better know what the mission is and where you’re going. It’s easy to get lost in the vast sky without a plan.


Manhood is the same way. You’ll be there before you know it, and if you haven’t done your preparations in advance, you can make a lot of unnecessary mistakes as you’re racing down the runway of adolescence. Not only will you make more mistakes without good preparation now, but you can cause yourself—and others—a lot of harm and heartache as well. You can crash on the runway or take off in the wrong direction, and you might never grow into the sort of man God designed you to be. We don’t want you to crash or fly to the wrong destination or get lost in the sky.


This book is designed to give you a mission and flight plan:


We’ll tell you what your purpose is as a man. We’ll tell you what it means to be a man: what your destination is.


We’ll tell you how to accelerate properly and safely down the short runway of adolescence you are about to begin.


We’ll tell you about some problems you are likely to encounter and how you can defeat them before they make you crash or change your flight plan.


We’ll encourage you to get some good co-pilots and flight instructors and technical staff, both your age and older men, who will support and help you on your journey.


So buckle up! The next few years of your life will be a great adventure. Changes like these are on the way:


Your mind, body, emotions and relationships will be changing in ways that you can’t fully understand until you have experienced them.


You will feel new and more intense passions and desires.


You will think about girls, your friends and your parents differently than you do now, and you will relate to them in new ways.


You will think about yourself differently.


You will long for more independence and new challenges.


You will dream new dreams and develop your own identity.


Every adventure also has its share of difficulties and dangers. Self-esteem often dips during your teenage years (though many boys try to hide that on the outside). While you will enjoy and appreciate the increasing freedoms, they will bring temptations that can be hard to resist, and the consequences for a poor decision can be costly. While your body will grow in size and strength, it can be an awkward process with aches and acne. Girls can make your heart race and your heart break. All in all, adolescence can be like riding a roller coaster with many ups and downs.


In this book, we’ll give you as complete and honest of a look at the journey ahead as we can. We want this to be authentic and cover the real issues and temptations that you will likely encounter in the upcoming months and years. We are addressing the topics that boys tell us are on their minds and that teenage boys say they are struggling with. While some of these topics can be embarrassing or difficult, we believe that it is better to know on the front end what you will probably face, and we want to help equip and prepare you for facing them.


But it’s not just the next few years that we care about. We want you to have a vision for the sort of man God wants you to be when you have passed through the adolescent years. That’s our ultimate goal. If you will set your eyes on the final goal—the sort of man you should become—then that will direct you in how you navigate the teenage years. Approaching challenges with the end result in mind is always the best way to begin. Great coaches begin the season talking about where they want the team to be at the end of the season. They talk about conference championships and bowl games and final rankings.


Coaches give their players a playbook to instruct them on how they want the game to be played. God has given you His playbook to help you navigate through the issues that you will be facing in the next few years. Boys are often surprised to hear that the Bible speaks on so many topics. Drinking, peer pressure, friendships, families, girls, even puberty and sex—the Bible gives us perspective and instruction in these matters. It speaks to the role and responsibilities of men. It tells you the sort of man, husband and father you should be one day. It tells all of us how to approach our work and worship and the girls and women in our lives. It talks about our self-worth, our successes, and the stuff we own, use and want to have. It covers difficulties and failures. It tells us about the forgiveness you can experience for all of our mistakes, including ones you may have already committed. We’ll cover all of these topics in this book.


But even more than covering these topics, the Bible describes God’s love for you. Rather than primarily advice and rules, the Bible, most importantly, is the true story of the good news of how much God loves us and how He is seeking to save us. It’s the good news of what He has done for us rather than what we can do for Him. It’s about what we can receive rather than what we must achieve.


We hope that by helping to develop your thinking about these teenage topics and understanding God’s love, grace and pursuit of us, you will grow in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man. Our desire is that one day you will become a better man, husband and father, and we hope that you will, long before then, deepen your faith and walk with the Lord Jesus Christ; we hope you at least begin to explore questions in your mind and heart about who this God of the Bible is and what He means when He says in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has plans to grow and prosper you.


Questions for Reflection and Discussion


1. What are some of the issues that you think will be difficult for you in the next few years?


2. Does the idea of becoming a man scare you or make you nervous? Why or why not?


3. If you could have one question answered about the road ahead for you, what would it be?


4. Is your dad available to talk with you about adolescence and the journey to manhood? If he is not

available, who could you talk to about this important topic?


5. What do you hope to accomplish by reading and studying this book?


6. What is the best piece of advice your dad, mom, adult leader, coach, or mentor has given you so far?


7. How would you define manhood?


8. Do you view the upcoming years of your life as an adventure or just a regular part of your life? Why or why not?

~ Special thanks to Audra Jennings, Senior Media Specialist, The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.

Brainwashed?

When I heard people accuse us Christians of being brainwashed, my first reaction was that we have been heartwashed, not brainwashed :). But then my next reaction was: maybe I want to be...maybe I am brainwashed because I want to have the mind of Christ! "The Lord knows the thoughts of man; He knows that they are futile." Psalm 94:11 I don't want to think as the world thinks. I don't want to think as I (sinner living in the flesh) used to think. I am now a new creation. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 My old way of thinking and living has gone, being replaced with the new way of thinking and living according to God's standard.

I believe being heartwashed (repenting, asking Jesus to wash away all our sins, giving our heart to Him, being filled with His love and the Holy Spirit) is/should be followed by being brainwashed (having the mind and the attitudes of Christ, being filled with Philippians 4:8 kind of thoughts, knowing God as the Creator of the universe, meditating day and night on God's Word, choosing/protecting human life no matter how small or how old, putting others above ourselves, etc.) The ways of God are mostly opposite of the ways of this world. The world thinks:- earth came into existence out of the Big Bang, men evolved from apes, killing unborn babies is a matter of choice (exercising women's rights), looking out for ourselves is the wisest thing to do, a white lie is okay, sleeping around is acceptable, young people don't need to obey or listen to their parents because their peers' opinions are more important, the goal in life should be getting rich, successful, and/or famous, women can dress as seductively as they want because they own their body and nothing's wrong with enjoying their "power" over men (playing with their lust and their visual-sensitive mind), couples should get a divorce when they no longer love each other or they fall in love with someone else, or they discover that they are not compatible, etc. From now on, if I were to be accused of having been brainwashed, I would gladly take it as a compliment :)!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

P.S. "Brainwashing" can be a very bad thing. Here I'm talking about the kind that is washed by only God's Word and His Holy Spirit. Being brainwashed by man-made religions, cults, false teachings, or anything that goes against God's Word is detrimental. You need to be aware of that and be like the Bereans (comparing everything to the Scriptures) so that you may be able to detect any lies immediately and won't be brainwashed the wrong way.

Please visit here for the links to other Spiritual Sundays posts. Have a blessed day in the Lord, everyone!